together we are enough
Published by Rachel Chew on May 14, 2007 at 10:13 PM
So I got my test photos developed and the camera is dandy. I finally peeled off the price tag. It’s a keeper.
I was just pondering about this thing that I’m doing—the just-in-case habit. Keep the price tag on, just in case you find out the camera is messed up. Take this along, just in case it rains. Keep this, you might need it one day. Write it down. Take a photo. Record it. Maybe I just desperately want to remember things and have the memories with me forever.
I’m a memory hoarder. Maybe.
Yet there are some areas in my life where the just-in-case habit doesn’t apply. My car has insurance that someone else is paying and I don’t have insurance because I can’t afford it. My health “is not covered” and they say anything can happen. I’d never know.
I don’t want to know.
There are things I can never take with me and there would be things that will follow me. Some things I carry unconsciously. Some things I leave behind by choice.
A few minutes ago I let my dog out to pee and caught the sky exploding in streaks of lightning. It was quiet and beautiful. White-yellow lightning echoed orange in the clouds. And I didn’t have my camera with me. Strangely, it felt good. I don’t want to photograph something out of the fear of losing it. It was me, my dog and the sky. I was in the company of greatness.
My dog, being blind and slightly schizophrenic (understatement), was darting here and there but it was a good moment. We have nothing to remember it by, but somehow, it felt “enough.” We have enough, we don’t need more.
I know, my scanner caught some dirty lately. But I'm in no rush to clean it yet.
"maybe i should bring the ipod along - train rides seem so much better with music"......
slowly maybe, i will learn how to get rid of such attachments. or maybe just take breaks to balance things - like with you and your dog - nothing else in between to distract you from the moment of "the now".
still, memories and preserving them (visuals, text, scent, sounds) --- sigh, isn't it just wonderful that we can.
dave: heheh. that's my grandma's old cassette. teresa teng. old school.
Tell me, what's ur recommendation? Thanks, Rach...
nà: thank you so much. i didn't even know maditi linked me till i saw your comment. thank you and nice to meet you!
totally relate with memory hoarding. nv could quite coin a term for it, so thanks.
yea sometimes i get obsessed with capturing every single moment on film.. when in actual fact, sometimes the most wonderful memories are wonderful simply because they are shared with a select few, with ppl who matter...in our memory banks and not in a photo.